Escape

The leaves and branches crunched beneath her bare feet as she ran through the woods in a torn black dress. She tripped over a stump falling face first to the ground then instantly covered her mouth with both hands. Her ankle was twisted and she wanted to scream out in inconceivable pain, but knew if she did he’d hear her. She sat with her back against a tree and wiped the blood from above her brow and wept silently. It was completely dark and Kris couldn’t see anything except the breath that escaped her mouth and nose. There was no one around for miles and she had nowhere to go. She knew she couldn’t stay there but she wasn’t sure if Steven followed her into the woods or not. She had never seen her husband so upset before and needed to get as far away from him as possible. This weekend getaway was supposed to be about celebrating their anniversary but he found out she’d been having an affair. After nearly two hours Kris began to crawl back to the cabin hoping he would be gone so she could call for help. Halfway there she tried to stand and was hit from behind so hard that it knocked her unconscious. Steven woke up in his bed the next morning in hysterics and called the police. “Calm down sir” the operator said before asking “how long has your wife been missing?” “She wasn’t here, I got home from work around six last night and and she” Steven choked through his words “I thought maybe she went out with some friends.” The operator kept him on the line until police arrived at his home. After weeks of multiple conflicting interviews Steven was charged with murder and spent months in jail awaiting his trial. His day had finally come and before the verdict was read the judge asked him if there was anything he wanted to say. Steven stood and turned to Kris’ family with tears in his eyes and said “I loved Kris with all my heart and I’d never want to hurt her. I want to catch this person just as much as you do, and I need you all to believe it wasn’t me. I love you” he said to her mother who was grimacing and crying simultaneously. He sat down and his attorney patted him on the back. The judge began, “have you reached a verdict?” and the jury foreperson responded “We have, your Honor. We the jury, in the case of The State of Missouri versus Steven Edwards, find the defendant not guilty of the charge of second degree murder.” Steven fell to his knees in disbelief and Kris’ family erupted in agony. “Thank you, Jury, for your service today. Court is adjourned.” Steven stood and his attorney congratulated him just as Kris’ mother walked quickly towards him. She screamed through tears “I know you did it you son of a bitch! I know you killed my daughter.” A slow grin spread across his face and he mouthed the words ‘they’ll never find her body’ to her and walked out.

Sensibility

I’m different now because what we went through it changed me

We had the same hiding place but inconsistent intentions

I figured out I couldn’t grow buried beneath your monsters too

So in order for me to be free it was necessary to let you go

I’m different now because I know I don’t need you to improve

But I don’t regret our time, I learned a lot about me and from you

At first I couldn’t recognize that I was dodging a bullet, I just knew we were proof

That two damaged people could keep each other from falling apart

I’m different now because I’m strong enough to accept your part in my story being over

You were a tough lesson to learn I just hate that I kept repeating it

I finally made me top priority

I’m different now

Picture Perfect

You didn’t get the picture until you were out of it…

I was constantly sandwiched between asinine thoughts of ‘true love is like this’ and ‘it’s supposed to feel this way’

I invested in you and it cost me everything I was…

You’d leave and I’d still pray that wherever you were, the stars lit your night skies

While you preyed on my sincerity

Doing everything in my power to get you to come back safely regardless of the extent of the damage you caused when you left…

My loyalty to you, was deeply rooted

Hopeless to eradicate…

I wasn’t lost

I knew my worth

I didn’t fear you

I didn’t even need you

I just despised being alone until loneliness became familiar

You’d “change” when you thought you were losing me

Then retrocede when I’d return for more

Repeatedly rebounding…

I saturated the pillows with my feelings for you until I was empty

You’re Gone

I needed to see you again to say goodbye hoping it would lead to a once more

Silly of me I know, keeping someone who doesn’t want to be kept

Taking you for granted…premeditated pain because I knew I’d get away with it, I didn’t care

I knew you’d always be there but I’m not ashamed of it…it was a game and I gained more than I came here with

It was effortless the way you loved me something I couldn’t return

You weren’t afraid of commitment but me, I refused any guarantees to liability

All I craved was your admiration and compliments

Content with your incompetence, I wasn’t loyal to you

Just faithful to what you did for my confidence

See my ego was bruised way before you and it ripped me to shreds

Listening to all the lies they fed, those words never led to action

They would keep filling me up to drain me, such sick satisfaction

Now contagious

You saw in me substance I’ve never felt

So I stood on your shoulders to gain another notch under my belt

Then that draining feeling returned but this time it wasn’t for me

I tried breaking you down but you knew your worth and couldn’t let that be

You deserve your forgiveness…

I sure as hell don’t

You didn’t want to be in a cage but couldn’t rage towards freedom

The quicksand cemented an invisible fear of leaving someone you thought you could help.