Indigo

You’re a serial lover

Obsessed with flings

Compelled to feeling and suspended from connection

You perpetuate this facade a contrived illusion of content…as if you yearn for jilted love

Relationships deprived of involvement beyond physicality when in reality, you crave more

Dreams of immortal devotion are your worst nightmares, you’re afraid to bruise

It has you running around in circles trying to avoid what’s certain…in a fight because of love, you have to be comfortable with knowing someone is going to hurt you

It’s inescapable

If they’re worth it

You don’t get to choose

They exposed beauty in your brokenness, know that they’re broken too

The Expectation

You ask me if I trust you, and my answer is without a doubt yes. I’ve always trusted you even before I could effectively decide who you were…I trusted that the words you spoke you meant and still do. I have never doubted your love for me and your intention to remain equitable. I saw the steps you took towards a devoted experience, and I commended your crusade for compromise…but most importantly, I trusted you to be you. I trusted you to lie to me and keep your greatest detriment a mystery. I trusted you to offend me when you were angered, I also expected it unintentionally. I trusted you to fulfill all of your obligations to us, to this, to yourself…I trusted there would be a time you’d cut me so deeply, that the deformity of a scar would serve as a persistent memory…I trusted you to use the closet for a safe place to collect and store the makeup of you, the blend of times past, here and now, these things that comprised you…I trusted you to fail me and disappoint, I trusted you to ask and receive a second chance. I trusted the bad to accompany the good, never did I expect it to exceed…I trusted you to be exactly what you are, human.

This House Was Never A Home

You just said it was. The mind wielding trips and double-dealing speech, those un-nerving nights where you disappeared from our bed to hers assuming that I was asleep…I sacrificed my body in exchange for unkempt vows, assertions you deliberately discontinued. It wasn’t enough that to your every command I solemnly complied, or unwittingly ceased submissively to the poison of your bite…cloaked as copulation, only to unveil the stealthy lethal venom that I longed for…you orchestrated my thoughts and passionately played with my mind, desecrating my soul…allowing the opposition to compete on turf which was familiar to me. Those very secrets you whispered to her behind my back and thought I couldn’t hear, I knew about. I saw what was right beneath my nose although confirmation never escaped my lips. You left me no choice in the verdict you defended…I became the unaccompanied obtuse in the triangle created by you, my knight ’til death…I wrapped my head around life without you and denounced your chivalry the way you’ve stripped me of my dignity…

Don’t Pick Up The Phone

Better yet, change your number. You knew it would come to this in fact, it’s exactly what you’ve been preparing for. You’ve always been the one with the cape on your back fulfilling the needs of those around you…so who would come to your rescue? These desires of others became your daily direction of accomplishment, their enigmas partnered with your own dilemmas overloaded and nearly destroyed you. Your relationship with anguish ignited sympathy in their suffering…because you knew it all too well. The signs, the symptoms, even the withdrawal of things taking a turn for the better but experience showed you it wouldn’t last long…it was your blood and sweat spent after months of fighting for the change you desperately needed to see. They weren’t there when you paced the floor night after night, flipping the tear soaked pillow over because you felt there was no way out. So how is it after you’ve gone through the storm alone and tenaciously loomed on the other side do you progressively expend yourself? Why dig deep and sow the seeds of life for the people who won’t take the time to water them? Their growth relies solely on themselves, as did yours. There’s nothing wrong with helping those in need, but learn to identify the opportunist who classifies as altruistic…don’t allow your foundation to be uprooted.