Tag Archives: future

Ago

I hear you but I can’t see how you feel we should still be

I let you walk away because you deliberately walked all over me

The floor of my heart bottomed out and I consistently lost my breath

Falling in love with you felt like I was jumping to my death

Releasing you was my therapy if I reminisce I’ll fall off track

I’m afraid of the relapse, I just want my old life back.

Principles

I had a conversation with a former associate the other day. I can’t say it ended well, but we have a mutual understanding…

FA: What are you writing?

ME: Just, stuff. 

FA: Oh… 

(Interrogation followed by hurt feelings coming in 3, 2, 1)

FA: Why are you writing?

ME: I like to. I want to. Why not?

FA: Do you get paid for that?

ME: Not yet.

FA: Why don’t you get a real job and just do that on the side? You should come work with me, I make $17 an hour and I barely do anything. Long days which sucks but the overtime’s pretty nice when they give it to you.

ME: Oh yeah? You get raises?

FA: Once a year, a few cents but you can go salaried and make much more. I just don’t want that responsibility you know? I’m here for a paycheck!

ME: So you sell your soul for 17 bucks per wasted hour and there are 40 of them, correct? Bi-weekly pay totals in at around $1300 before taxes, but don’t quote me seeing as math and I never really got along. Your car is leased, you pay rent, and have children which means you can’t offer me advice.

Packed up my book, got a refill on my drink, and sat at a different table…I put my earbuds in this time. 

I respect people that do what they love or at least enjoy how they spend their 40 hours. It’s commendable, and it takes patience and discipline to do something every single day year after year. Do understand that dreamers, artists, musicians…work just as hard as anyone else and in some cases, they work harder. We don’t get paid to do what we love…I think it takes patience and discipline to do something every single day year after year with no promise of a paycheck. I’ve had many “regular jobs” and for me they mean nothing. Because there’s no amount of money any of them could ever pay me to betray me. I have to lay down at night and be proud of what I did that day, and a check that keeps me punching a clock in the morning, noon, and night with a week of vacation (that really means sitting at home watching Netflix until the next Monday rolls around)…because let’s face it, $17 an hour can’t get me to Dubai…that doesn’t excite me. I’m not motivated by it, and if I don’t do what I love my soul will never rest.

I love expression through any form of art, it’s euphoric, a million adrenaline rushes…and I will spend a lifetime trying to get other people to feel even a percentage of that if I have to, FOR FREE. That’s why I don’t get a real job, because this is my life, and a real job subtracts from that. You can’t criticize my process when you haven’t progressed. We all don’t want millions of dollars and mansions, some of us are content with what we have and I respect that. But we have different views, and I believe I’m going to get what is mine. Anything in this big bad world that I want, belongs to me. I trust the process. I trust the process!!!

If you can take anything away from this please just do what makes you whole no matter what anyone says.