Sensibility

I’m different now because what we went through it changed me

We had the same hiding place but inconsistent intentions

I figured out I couldn’t grow buried beneath your monsters too

So in order for me to be free it was necessary to let you go

I’m different now because I know I don’t need you to improve

But I don’t regret our time, I learned a lot about me and from you

At first I couldn’t recognize that I was dodging a bullet, I just knew we were proof

That two damaged people could keep each other from falling apart

I’m different now because I’m strong enough to accept your part in my story being over

You were a tough lesson to learn I just hate that I kept repeating it

I finally made me top priority

I’m different now

Genesis

You’ll know.

When the tears dry and you’re indifferent in familiar places

The memories begin to fade and you don’t wait for a call that will never come

That song doesn’t make you die inside, you don’t cry when you hear their name

You’re no longer afraid to love again…

Closure arrives and you’re grateful for the moment

That’s when you’ll know.

Finding You

You’re married to the pain and terrified to divorce it because your complete individuality has been established by upset and affliction. It’s something you’ve always received and accepted, as it’s customary to your life. Suffering…it’s all around you. It’s in your stride and your thoughts, even in the way you allow others to handle you. They dole out their weakness and you absorb it mentally staining a confidence you never knew. You’re designed by distress and composed of hurt. Afraid of life outside of it because you are clueless to who you are without it. People have always let you down and rejection seemed natural. Intimidation of things unfamiliar shouldn’t dominate your want for change. You must be starved of worry and gain a deep desire to heal.

Empty

We never wanted kids. We were together since high school and he always thought he’d be a pro football player and have me as his trophy housewife. I was fine with that. We loved spoiling one another and spending our free time together. Kids would change our lives and we never wanted to be labeled as bad parents. He came from a big family and had countless nieces and nephews that we would see often. My mother always wanted me to make her a grandmother especially being the only child. I just never thought I’d feel like a mother and I didn’t want to one day regret bringing a life into the world. What if I couldn’t love them? We were packing for our trip to Bora Bora after a long season. I couldn’t wait to spend our anniversary in a new atmosphere together and completely alone. It was the night before our flight and we were sitting on the couch watching television and he randomly blurted out that he wanted to have a baby. I never took my eyes off the screen hoping I didn’t just hear what I think I heard. He shut the tv off and put both of my hands in his repeating himself. I began to cry and he did too but our tears were for different reasons.