Tag Archives: people

Empty

We never wanted kids. We were together since high school and he always thought he’d be a pro football player and have me as his trophy housewife. I was fine with that. We loved spoiling one another and spending our free time together. Kids would change our lives and we never wanted to be labeled as bad parents. He came from a big family and had countless nieces and nephews that we would see often. My mother always wanted me to make her a grandmother especially being the only child. I just never thought I’d feel like a mother and I didn’t want to one day regret bringing a life into the world. What if I couldn’t love them? We were packing for our trip to Bora Bora after a long season. I couldn’t wait to spend our anniversary in a new atmosphere together and completely alone. It was the night before our flight and we were sitting on the couch watching television and he randomly blurted out that he wanted to have a baby. I never took my eyes off the screen hoping I didn’t just hear what I think I heard. He shut the tv off and put both of my hands in his repeating himself. I began to cry and he did too but our tears were for different reasons.

Approval

You expect everyone to accept you, except you…That’s like wanting to fly, it’ll never happen. 

It’s not necessary to fill the void when you’re lonely. You’re alone because you need to be even if you don’t want to be. Trust that everything has its time and you can’t rush things. It’s sad that we let people and things define us, and we would rather appear confident than be confident. Don’t look to the right or to the left when the substance you seek is inside of you. It’s natural…they will judge, they will criticize, they will stare. Very few will own up to their unspeakable suffering and shortcomings. I think failure has gotten a bad rap and has been used to demean when it shouldn’t always be addressed negatively. To fail and learn is to succeed. Stop putting emphasis on the things that drain your energy and know your worth. One day none of this will mean anything because you’ll no longer be here…enjoy what life has to offer while you can, and don’t take it or people so seriously. Trust me, they’re afraid too…

Accept you even if they don’t.